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borderlinemind's Blog


Life

Where can anyone begin on this topic? I can be corny/cliche n say "what is the true meaning of life" but in reality no one honestly cares about that question. What is "normal"? Everyone around the world with different cultures n languages believes in different things.... So is "normal" just a word that someone made up to define "different" than them? How can people be so quick to judge all because a person isn't doing what you see best?
My "life" and my mistakes are not all of what I made them out to be. Things do happen to me that are beyond my control... Far beyond it. And I do take responsibility for what I have done. With no problem.....
The way things have been long lately have been soley problems I have chosen to cause. Dealing with my ex, and letting alcohol rule the poor choices I have been making. Sometimes I just feel like a terrible person. I usually only look at what others do to me- but I never can see how I have hurt others. This really does make me sad. It hurts me when I hurt others. But I don't feel a connection with anyone where I can truly say that person cares about me. The closet thing to it would be my father. And of course D'Andre.
-- I don't wanna jump all over the place. But this is what I think about on a day to day basis. As nobody understands. I'm really hurting and I cannot get to the root of this problem. N it seems like it keeps growing and growing. Even if I feel somedays It been "chopped" down. I see it as a virus... Some things may take the symptoms away, but the illness will always remain. I'm infected by something that seems in curable. And nobody knows or even cares enough about it to help me find this cure. I'm beginning to accept the fact that I will never be happier than I am now. And that is so sad. No matter how many therapist or people who do read this blog tell me "there's room for improvement, ill get better" ... Very encouraging, and may work for about 30 mins but after that--- nothing.
---- I really want to reevaluate the things I am doing in my life. Because I don't want to live like this. The drinking, and partying, and all the drama. I can definitely DEFINATELY live without. I jus dont know where to begin.
-- I feel like it's the city and the people I am arou d... Maybe I should move. Live around people who are positive so I can try n do positive things to better myself. I wish I could. I dream about all day. But reality I'm stuck here. My daughter has school- I have school. My apt and people who do help me the most are here.... I'm to the point were I feel like "fuck it" ... I'm jus one of those people who will not be happy. I kno what I want to do and where I want to be. But I feel "stuck". Like I know I will never get there. N to have something u can see right in front of u, and never being able to grasp it- it's so disappointing... So very depressing. So. What am I to do now? Now that Im figuring out I'm going to be stuck in a life I do t even want.. What's the point?

Miss Yana

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Feeling alone....

Hate not being able to talk to anyone... Feel as if no one understands or even cares about what's going on in your life... Nobody cares if Ur hurt, or can't sleep at 3:09AM bcuz u can't stop crying.... Will this ever end?

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Previous Posts
Life, posted December 4th, 2012
Miss Yana, posted November 19th, 2012
Feeling alone...., posted November 19th, 2012

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